Of Darkness, Of Light

Why get up at all?
What does this day
have in store for me?

That could bring a smile
on my weary face..
A smile reaching my eyes

Won’t this day go
the same way like yesterday?
Or the day before it?

Tiredness, gloom and more gloom.
I look back and covet
the days in the mind’s showcase.

Where has the zest gone?
That drive, self belief and optimism
which saw me take on the world?

I look back ruefully..
Can’t I rewind time?
Will I never be my old self again?

And then one day I get up
feeling a tad stronger
Have the courage to aspire

To get things done!
I stumble, I fall,
but I strive to get up again.

Until one day I am confident
And would you believe it?
I once again have grand plans for me!

Plans I would not have
dared dream a few months ago..
Yes, my time has come now, I say.

My energy is back and
I don’t shy away from people anymore
Smile more readily now

The fairy tale has to end
doesn’t it, damn it!!
And it does so abruptly.

‘You are in Hypomania’
frowns my Doc at me
‘We have to take it easy’

The bubble just has to burst,
as if inevitably, oh so cruelly.
It was a lie, I am on a high..

Now what do I do
and where do I go from here?
Can I not have a dream
of my own ever again?

A dream, I can believe in
Not just a pipe dream
that laughs back at me..

And then life hugs me.
You are greater than
this monster, it says.

‘Let’s walk together’
says life warmly to me,
‘You and me’

‘Together we are stronger
We can strangle this monster
trust me’

It takes me in its fold
And I embrace life back..
Discover myself once again

I look back in wonder
Was I ever stuck there at all?
I smile at life…

And life smiles back at me.