She stood in front of the huge mirror. This was no ordinary mirror! It was her connect with life, a life that made sense. In it she could see her past and her past was all that she trusted. After all, that was what had actually happened in her life. The present was clouded with her emotions. As for her future, she dare not peek into it. Any thought of tomorrow made her anxious. She was afraid to face uncertainty… it frightened her witless. The massive mirror protected her from seeing beyond it..
And then as she watched with disbelief, the mirror suddenly turned into a sheet of glass. She winced, afraid of seeing what lay in store for her. She finally mustered courage and looked beyond. To her amazement, it was a brilliant scenario. One she had dared not hope would be hers. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief and checked on the mirror which had turned into glass. It had disappeared into thin air!
All she had left was her now. A lighter now.
As a young boy, when I was maybe twelve, I dreamt that one day I would have my own home in the city I was in love with, Mumbai. I imagined it would be an apartment on the fifth floor. And that I would have my own car as well, a Fiat Premier Padmini, India’s darling car of the 70’s and I would be at the wheel. Then I forgot all about my dream.
It took more than two decades since then for me to get my own car and then a few more years further to that before we moved into our dream home. Well, the car wasn’t the one I had dreamt of~ for the simple reason that it had been discontinued by then. And my home? Yup, it is on the fifth floor, uncannily similar to what I had imagined it would be.
After a long struggle to establish myself, I became a successful entrepreneur. I had pretty much what I could have asked out of life.
Then Bipolar Disorder struck in May 2003. It changed almost every aspect of my life.
Insecurity, anxiety, pessimism and inability to believe in myself became my second nature. And I stopped dreaming. For I hardly had the conviction to visualise a positive development in my life. We tend to so easily believe that the worst case scenario will actually come to pass but dare not even think of the promises of a glorious future. Our anxieties feel hard and real, our dreams…just that, flimsy dreams which never come true. It was a cathartic journey on the way to reclaiming my original self. One who was optimistic, adventurous and had belief in his abilities.
Transform I did.
I now intrinsically trust my journey. The youthful, adventurous streak is replaced by a quiet confidence.
I now believe.
During our recent Peer Support Meet, I said to the gathering,
“I am 56 now. From 56 to 65 will be the finest decade of my life!”
Oh yes, I have dreams, big dreams worthy of the new me.
Will you too join me in dreaming big?
Rediscover the magic jar…dip into it to find hope, faith, lightness, belief and trust.
